I refused to dump it away even though its pretty useless now. Its been sitting in my drawer for the past 2 years or so and I just refuse to dump it away. I don't think its anything wrong, just that it holds some special significance to me. Just that it makes me feel like something magical did happen to me before and I should feel lucky. Its not the end that matters, anyway.

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Anyhow, I am finally blogging because I'm kind of sick of mugging. Second day into reading week and I'm so sick of it already. Wonder where my motivation and drive went. Only managed to finish revision for 1 mod and my papers are starting in less than one week's time. I really wonder whats the whole point of getting a high CAP, period. Afterall, I've yet to get any internship, any exchange (okay cuz I didn't apply for SEP in the first place and tried for SUSEP instead.....), any scholarship. Uhh, so, 4As, 2nd upper, uh hur? Thing is everyone is doing just as well or rather even better. Sometimes I really can't help but feel demoralised and inferior. But truth remains, never good enough. Best thing is, instead of fixing it, I'm feeling dejected instead. Hmm.

One of my groupmates told me "HEY! You're one of us! We love building sandcastles in the air!" Not sure about them, but I know myself. Yeah, all fluff and nothing concrete comes up. All the supposed-to-be beautiful happy endings. Never quite created by me. They remain as my imagination, my fantasy. My skills, my discipline, just not good enough to complement what I envision.

Okay, 'nuff of depressing stories of my life. Here's to the end of lects and tutorials for my year2 sem1!
(I have no idea how long I can hold on. Really need to make sure I get my next SUSEP application through. Freaking need a long break.)